Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
