I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
