nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
