Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
