I am in a vortex of obligation.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
