Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
