I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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