I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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