Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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