I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
