Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
