I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Two words: nipple clamps
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