now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
