i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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