there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
