i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
