So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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