i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
