i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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