my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
