I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
