he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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