so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
