Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
