once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Two words: blizzard sex
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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