we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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