your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
