Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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