where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently you make a good broom.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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