I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
