Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She told me I should be a condom model.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
