turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
