I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
