Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
