I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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