did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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