3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
