Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
