I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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