I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
