She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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