Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
