I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
