k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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