Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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