I CAN MOONWALK!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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