in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
