And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
