she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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