I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am one with the molecules
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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