I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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