Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
