remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
