Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
