How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
