I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
