i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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