She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
