Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
